12

Twelve years ago I awoke to a phone call.  The type of phone call no one wants to receive. That was when I found out that we had lost Patrick.  Goodness, twelve years later and the thought of that phone call still reduces me to tears.  I hope I never have to wake up that way again. 

The anniversary is a little different for me than for the rest of my CPM family.  I had just moved to Orlando and had been here for a little over a week.  The twelfth was my first day at my new job.  I debated whether or not to call in, but I figured that trying to explain the intricacies of my family and their very large network of non-blood relations and how while there was no blood link or papers listing Patrick as my family member, I knew in my heart it was as if I had lost my brother. So, I decided to put on my bravest face and start my new job in a toy store.  I am sure that Patrick would have wanted it that way, even though my employee ID card shows a red and puffy face. I still have it as a reminder of that day twelve years ago.  The reason this date holds such significance other than the obvious anniversary, is that the job I started at FAO Schwarz, was the day that lead me to my current Florida Family.  This is my network of non-blood relations, that have gotten me through my best days and my worst.  As I started my new job I met Carly, Shawn, and many others in my first weeks there.  As time went on I also met Jenny and Josh. It seems improbable that the day that changed my life would not only have a sad anniversary, but also one that brings me such joy.  If I had not gone in on that day, I may never have met Shawn.  How disappointed Patrick would have been with me. 

I know he was not ready to say goodbye to me.  He told me so as I wiped the tears away, from both of our eyes.  I am fortunate that I had a proper good bye.  Well, as proper a good bye as one can have while trying to console a seventeen year old boy, promising that we will see each other again. I told him that it may not be soon, and that it may be for longer than we could have imagined but I promised I would see him again.  If I had known what would happen about ten days later, would I have changed what I said?  The answer isn't that simple.  If I knew for sure that it brought him comfort in those last moments, I would.  If those words were what made him know it was okay to go, I don't think I would have been able to say them knowing that.  He has helped shape the person I am today and he will forever be in my heart.  I imagine him smiling the biggest as Aubs and Riley started their friendship, I know how it made Molly and I feel.